Keeping score in relationships has become more common than ever and today we are going to talk about it.  

We are going to help you do a relationship evaluation and tell you whether keeping a score in a relationship is good or bad. 

We are going to tell you about relationship accountability so that you can maintain a healthy relationship.  

We are going to tell you why always being right in relationships is not the best thing to do. We will tell you why being right and keeping track in relationships can lead to unhealthiness in a relationship. 

So, let us understand what is relationship equality and also relationship balance and also why you should never keep scores in a relationship. 


  • Resentment

If you want to create resentment in your relationship then keeping scores is one of the simplest things to do. Keeping score in love is just wrong because it is not a competition. 

Your partner is not your rival and you should never count how many times you were right in a certain situation. If you keep scores then it will build up over time into something very bad for the relationship.

It might not seem much at the beginning. But it will damage relationship fairness over time. And it will also create relationship expectations that are simply not healthy.

The best thing you can do in this situation is to become understanding and you must also learn to forgive your partner. Forgiveness comes with forgiveness and if you behave in a very kind way then your partner will also do the same.

It is about encouraging the good things in relationships and encouraging relationship fulfilment rather than competition. 

  • Trust And Emotional Connection

A relationship is like an exercise in trust. You should be able to create a relationship where trust is the most important element.

If you create an atmosphere of trust then it will be very easy to establish an emotional connection and even maintain it properly. 

You will not be counting the faults of your partner and your partner will also be forgiving.

But if you manage to bring in scores in a relationship then it will be like walking on land mines.  Your partner will always be extra careful about situations and that is very bad for trust.

It can damage relationships and it can reduce relationship satisfaction to nothing. The worst part about keeping scores in a relationship is that it creates relationship boundaries where you do not feel comfortable around your partner. 

  • Growth and Personal Development

Imagine being in a relationship where you always have to look over your shoulder to see if your partner is keeping track of your actions. 

Imagine a relationship where you always have to be careful to not make mistakes or upset your partner. 

If that sounds like an office or a sport’s arena then that is probably where it works not in a relationship. 

A relationship should not be walking a tightrope where you always have to keep in mind not to make mistakes or disappoint your partner. 

But if you always have to keep in mind that your partner is keeping scores about you then there will never be a healthy atmosphere. And no healthy atmosphere means that you can never support your partner in personal growth and neither can your partner do that to you. 

It is like feeling happy when you get to point out the faults of your partner. This is also when communications in relationships tend to break down. 

  • Power Play and Power Dynamic

A relationship is not your workplace or your career where you need to play politics to succeed.  It should not be a place where you need to show who is the boss. 

But if you create a relationship where keeping scores is normal then that is exactly what is going to happen. Your partner will try to exert power on you and you are also going to do the same. 

Mistakes will become excuses for losing power and pointing out mistakes will become opportunities for acquiring power. That sounds more like the parliament of a country rather than a relationship.

That is why you should totally avoid any kind of power dynamic and power play in a relationship.  

If you cannot do that then it will not remain a relationship but it will become an exercise of power over the other. 

  • Kindness and Empathy

A relationship is a lot of things but one of the most important things about any relationship is kindness. It is being kind to the person you love and it is being empathetic to them.

But if you start keeping scores in a relationship you will actually be happy if your partner makes mistakes. 

It will only be about getting a higher score when it comes to pointing out mistakes and disappointments.

It will not be about helping your partner solve issues and problems but it will be about being an observer.  

The entire essence of the relationship will fade away and you will be there watching like a scorekeeper rather than a loving partner. 

  • Communication 

One of the easiest ways to observe the breakdown of a relationship is diminishing communication. Communication is one of the pillars of a loving relationship.

If you start keeping scores then it will disrupt and even damage communication between you and your partner. 

Your partner will not feel safe communicating anything with you and you will not feel safe about doing it with them.

Think about teams playing in a soccer match. Opponent teams never discuss their gameplan with their opponents. It makes sense in a sporting event or a competition but not in a relationship.

Keeping scores in a relationship will damage communication lines and it will give birth to unexpected and unattainable expectations. 

We hope this blog has been helpful for you to understand why keeping scores in a relationship is not healthy or correct. 

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